Wonders
of parenthood
- By John Vijayan Vaavan
"Parenthood
brings a mixed bag of emotions and concerns. I admit it's not an easy
task."
Business Management and Training Consultant John
Vijayan Vasavan is an active community leader and a senior volunteer
with the Singapore Planned Parenthood Association (SPPA). Since he joined
SPPA as a youth volunteer in 1980, he has held several voluntary positions
in SPPA's Executive Council and Management Committee and was the President
of SPPA from 1999 to 2002. The father-of-three is also a member of the
International Planned Parenthood Federation East and Southeast Asian
and Oceania (IPPF-ESEAO) Regional Council.
I write this purely from my personal experience and encounters as
a father of three. This is especially dedicated to couples who have
sidelined their plans of joining the ranks of being parents. My fervent
hope is that this brief but frank personal account will also spur those
who never pondered of being parents to become one.
This may seem to suggest that I am part of the government machinery
pushing to correct the declining birth rate. I must qualify that I am
not a government advocate addressing the declining birth rate. I am
overwhelmed with the joy of being a parent and raring to share the wonders
with others.
Couples must make an informed and personal decision bearing in mind
their concerns like health, careers, and financial position, etc, before
taking on the parenting role. When we become parents we make a lifetime
commitment to the growth and wellbeing of another life that is being
brought into this world. Inevitably we will be faced with a change in
our daily routines, including loss of sleep and freedom.
This is compensated by new bond and the warmth of love for the newborn.
The new bonding may at times affect our relationship with our spouse
as more time will be spent on your bundle of joy. In my case, this was
not very evident as I jointly shouldered the responsibility with my
wife like feeding the babies, changing the nappies and putting them
to sleep. In so doing, we were spending more time together than before,
without realising it.
Undoubtedly the time we spend together became more meaningful and rich
as we talk a lot about issues close to our hearts. How will our child
respond to us? Will we be good parents? How can we best raise this child?
What will he (or she) grow up to be like, and will he be a credit or
disgrace to us?
The frequent discussions have paved the way for us to make more and
more decisions collectively. We thought hard before making decisions,
taking ownership of the issues. Sure, there were times when we would
feel we are having less time and money for ourselves. But we would then
start reflecting and agree on most occasions that the time and money
are now shared by not just us but also the new additions - money and
time well spent.
When my wife and I started to spend time together, we learn and accept
more of each other, and share more fun and pleasure. The reward is an
experience of growth and fulfilling of each other's needs. The more
pleasure and satisfaction we gave to each other, the stronger our bond.
